Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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