there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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