instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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