on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
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I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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