It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize