Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
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I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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