It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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