Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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