It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
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If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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