just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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