it was like his penis was on wheels.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
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I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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