Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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