I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
are you so shy because you have an std?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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