your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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