You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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