I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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