someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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