no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
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I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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