Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize