I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
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I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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