I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the room spins SO much faster in panama
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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