dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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