paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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