I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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