Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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