i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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