So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
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I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
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I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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