she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize