Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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