Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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