Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I AM VODKA MAN
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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