I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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