Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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