one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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