She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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