right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 2 1 whiskey
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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