OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
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You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
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so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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