I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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