i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
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