When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
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i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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