R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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