the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Never joke about your clitoris.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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