Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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