Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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