i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize