I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize