The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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