Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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