Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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