Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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