I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize